Things I've done in drugstores

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  • Surreptitiously opened and sniffed containers of hairspray, deodorant, etc., so I can make my purchasing decision solely based on the scent of the product. I figure that effectiveness-wise, they’re all pretty much alike, but I’mthe one who's gonna have to smell the stuff all day, so it better not make me feel nauseous, cheap or tawdry.
  • Been struck by the versatility of the female body and also my own lack of personal growth when I realized I was feeling the same mild embarrassment while purchasing nursing pads as I did the first time buying tampons. But not nearly as embarrassed as when I first acquired tampons, which involved casually depositing them into the shopping cart and hoping my father wouldn’t notice, or would at least refrain from ANY comment.
  • Tried on the reading glasses, which I always thought were for poverty-stricken old people who couldn’t afford to go to an optometrist and get their glasses via prescription. Until last week, when my own optometrist recommended I check them out. Oh boy, inflexible eyeballs -- another exciting sign of incipient middle age. Anyway, I assumed I’d find the specs next to the aisle containing Metamucil and denture fixative. Don’t worry, I have all my teeth and haven’t resorted to the former product since I was postpartum (gentlemen, you don’t wanna know).
  • Avidly read product details on condom packages (but not since college). “Studs” and ribbing actually sound kind of uncomfortable (like being bonked by an armadillo), and colors and flavors are just silly. If that’s your trip, think big -- go for Cool Whip, honey or a couple gallons of body paint.

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