Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Gut check

Last week's highlight, the colonoscopy, resulted in a completely clean bill of health. It actually had a not-too-bad side, which was the IV mixture of Versed and fentanyl. Completely conscious, but lost all track of time and felt MIGHTY relaxed. I think it may have caused some mild hallucinations as well, because I swear I could hear a faint voice in the background:
    Welcome to your fun-filled tour of Gutamala! My name is Colin and I'll be your guide today.

    Today we'll be looking at some architecture dating back to 1961, and we'll also be on the lookout for rare wildlife found only in this particular ecosystem. We should have good viewing since the atmosphere has cleared up considerably after some heavy precipitation the last couple of days. Keep your eyes peeled for life forms such as the extremely rare villous adenoma, sometimes known to laymen as "gut coral." If you do spot one, please don't break off a piece to take home for a souvenir. The tour operator will obtain some for you with special archeological instruments specially designed not to harm the environment.

    Now we're making the big turn from the descending colon to the transverse colon. Please be sure your seat belts are buckled. Whoooah! Hey driver, two wheels on the ground, huh? Ha ha ha!

More recently, we had a great time visiting Former Roommates #1 and #2 and spouses, debating politics and rehashing some of the more ridiculous aspects of the field of journalism. Five of the six of us were once employed by newspapers; now only one is, and he's not terribly happy, though he doesn't want to leave the field entirely since printer's ink runs through his veins. I made my own departure back in 1993 when I finally realized that if I stayed in the business, I would have (a) permanent stress (b) intermittent depression (c) no money ever (d) no life involving people who work normal business hours, and (e) cirrhosis by age 50. Oh, and did I mention incompetent if not downright vicious publishers and editors? Not all of them, of course, but plenty enough to say BUH-bye! On the other hand, this weekend reminded me about the good points. Journalists are articulate, thoughtful, intellectually curious, well informed, usually liberal, and in possession of that all-too-rare power of questioning and critical thinking. Plus you get to gossip for a living.

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