Friday, December 16, 2005

Squish

I’ve long been intrigued by Karl Rove. Not his work, which is repellant in every way, but his face. It’s so squishy and soft and smooth, like he skipped purberty entirely and eats nothing but Peeps. He looks like the Pillbury Doughboy would look if he wasa real boy. In fact Karl looks just like a a blob of bread dough after it’s been rising, only pinker. No scars, no facial hair (just a few wisps of delicate head hair), no lines, just an uncanny fleshy, almost inflatable quality. For years all I’ve seen are photos cropped close around his face, so I was very surprised to discover he is not obese. I thought at least he was fairly tall or physically imposing albeit shapelessly gelatinous from the neck down, like the Horta or Jabba the Hut. My assumptions were shattered by a photo in Newsweek of Rove (all of him) standing next to Karen Hughes. I imagine Ms. Hughes is fairly tall, but Karl is definitely short. This explains a lot, actually. His unsavory inclinations may be due to a Napoleon complex, or perhaps some unspecified medical condition that took cells from the compassion centers of his brain and packed them under his facial skin. Dick Cheney has some of the same facial characteristics. So does Michael Moore, but he countes with beard scuzz to distinguish himself from The Others. I’m no poet, but here is a poem I found that could easily be about Karl.

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