tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15828426.post3630934398653663482..comments2023-07-14T09:53:40.751-05:00Comments on Do the Yak: A bad callAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08063176984640227885noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15828426.post-73653391776925446642007-04-24T17:31:00.000-05:002007-04-24T17:31:00.000-05:00Thank you for sharing your experience in such a be...Thank you for sharing your experience in such a beautifully written way. This is something so many people are going through in trying to care for a family member who is no longer the person they have known and loved their whole lives. <BR/><BR/>I'd love to have your permission to use this story in our training new caregivers about what family members experience. It's so important that they have a sensitivity to the family's experience as they prepare to care for individuals in memory care or assisted living settings.<BR/><BR/>Here are a couple of tips I've learned from family members over the years that may be of use to you:<BR/>1) Don't argue. Reality for your loved one is her true reality. Since you can (and she can't), move into her reality rather than insist she move into yours. If something is "stolen" because it can't be found, offer to do everything you can to get to the bottom of it. If she insists that she has never gone to the doctor, agree with her, and offer to make an appointment. Agreeing can diffuse the situation and take all the wind out of her anger, leaving you both some emotional room to find solutions.<BR/>2)Do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Again, focus less on "truthfulness" and more on what needs to be done to preserve life - hers and others, especially in relation to driving. Many families find that removing a crucial element of the engine (the distributor cap, for example) will cause the car to simply not start, keeping you in the "good guy" category rather than being the enemy. Then, your offer to drive will be a good thing. Families need to become comfortable with moving into their loved one's reality and not be so concerned with feeling like they are lying to the person with memory loss. Doing this in a loving, thoughtful way can preserve the relationship and take a lot of the pain away - give it a try.<BR/>3)Start the move ASAP. Many memory care centers are excellent resources. Caregivers can take over the day to day safety and functional necessities; you can become the family that visits and goes out to dinner together again. Often non-family caregivers can get a person to cooperate so much easier. To make the move, try telling mom that you've made these arrangements for 2 weeks to give her a break from the house. She doesn't have to stay if she hates it there - just give it a two week trial. Many people are still on their two week trial several months down the road - it's the only way they can face their losses so that they don't overwhelm them. <BR/><BR/>Most people with Alzheimer's or memory loss have moments of clear recognition of what they've lost or are losing. Imagine how distressing this would be to you - and it's much easier to understand why mom is angry and frustrated all the time. <BR/><BR/>Anything you can do to reassure her that no matter what she's experiencing, you'll be there to support her, help her and love her will be the very best thing that can happen to her right now.<BR/><BR/>If you'd like I can send you more tips on coping with a family member with memory loss - just email me at Sharon@ISLE-ed.com.<BR/><BR/>Good luck. Let us know how it's going, and if we can help in any way. It's a challenging journey, but you're not alone in this.Sharon K. Brothers, MSWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02916805887189655851noreply@blogger.com