Tuesday, February 02, 2010
The dark side of "The Sound of Music"
Apparently not everyone loves "The Sound of Music," including Christopher Plummer and the author of Sweet Juniper, who gets a little more peeved every time his wife makes him watch the movie:
"I liked this family better before Sandy Duncan came along."
"That's Julie Andrews."
"Why am I supposed to feel bad for these kids living in their giant mansion in the mountains?"
"Because their totalitarian father didn't allow them music after their mother died."
"I thought Sandy Duncan was their mother?"
"No, she's the nun who takes care of them."
"Those kids better have leprosy."
"I know another girl who's sixteen, Liesl: her name is Anne and she lives in an Amsterdam attic and your creepy boyfriend is going to keep her from seeing seventeen."
"Why are they frolicking so?"
"Sister Maria is teaching them to sing."
"'La, a note to follow so?' Rogers and Hammerstein really phoned that one in, didn't they?"
"I thought if they won the singing contest, Captain von Trapp didn't have to go back into Das Boot."
"No, he still has to go. That's why they're running away."
"They're running to Switzerland on foot?"
"I guess so."
"Next time take some Jews with you, you assholes."
Years ago, Ben and I went to a singalong TSOM. They showed the movie in a regular theater, but added subtitles and a bouncing ball during the songs, when the audience lustily sang along. We were also given various items to wave around during appropriate moments in the film, such as a swatch of ugly "curtain" material for when Maria makes play clothes for the kids. The crowd had a large gay contingent, including the host, who made suggestive pelvic movements every time he mentioned "HUNKY HUNKY Captain von Trapp!" in his spirited introduction (are you listening, Christopher?). Needless to say, it was FABULOUS, but apparently not everyone's cup of team. With jam and bread.