Wednesday, December 21, 2005

You've tried scrubbing, even soaking

It's very easy to feel frustrated and inadequate about the state of our living quarters, especially when there are one or more little entropy machines running around. Some day our homes will look like the soothingly spotless and uncluttered homes of our older relatives. But not anytime soon. And it only makes you feel ten times worse if you try to get your domestic shit together with the assistance of a web site designed for that purpose (see Very Mom's post cited above). They're just like anything else in the retail world -- they're trying to entice you to get on board with their service or product by making you feel like a loser because you aren't on board. I refused to go beyond the initial retinal scan of Flylady because how can you trust someone to get you clean, serene and organized when their migraine-inducing web site is nothing of the sort? As for Motivated Moms (scroll down and click on the "free sample page" link), this just makes me mad because it plunges a woman right back into Mira's prefeminist housewife world in "The Women's Room." How many times can you use the verb "clean" in your to-do list? And who the hell REMOVES THE KNOBS when cleaning sink faucets? (Jan. 11). Is this gal a licensed plumber as well as a domestic goddess? Say, how about rewiring the entire house after you polish the light switch plates to a blinding sheen? Also on Jan. 11, don't forget to clean the computer screen and mouse, but not until after you clip the children's nails and work on the attic/basement. Please have this lady's bulk shipment of amphetamines and Haldol delivered in a plain brown box to her home address in Stepford, Conn. To put this into even clearer perspective, let's review Martha Stewart's holiday to-do list. You're just not making the grade if you can't find the wherewithall to float votive candles in the toilet and organize your spice racks by genus and phylum. Even I can get only as far as organizing my spice rack alphabetically because I'm too busy vacuuming the shower curtain and ironing my man's underwear.

So what does your house look like? If you have small children, rest assured things could be worse. A lot worse.

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